The Fighter

Tired.
Attacks coming from every side.
Weary from fighting.

I saw her.

She had been in the battle for awhile now.
Downcast, shoulders slumped and head down, she seemed overwhelmed from fighting a long fight.

As I looked closer, I realized—she was me.

Then I saw another version of myself—angry, frustrated and upset with this downcast, beaten version of myself.

I ran at her in anger.

“What’s wrong with you?! Why can’t you do anything right?! What’s your problem, anyway?! Get up! Do something! Are you just gonna sit there?!!”

I began to push myself around. Each push getting harder and harder until I began punching and kicking myself down.

I saw “me” literally beating myself up.
To a pulp.
No mercy.

In anger, frustration and tears I threw each damaging punch.
I noticed as I was beating myself up, others came in to join the fight.

“You’re not pretty enough! You’re not skinny enough! Why can’t you be a better mom? Why can’t you be a better wife? You need to make something of yourself! You’re so lazy! You should be ashamed of yourself! Why aren’t you changing the world?! Why can’t you do something to make a difference?! You’re not good enough."
"You’re. 
Not. 
Worthy.”

The accusations came fast and hard. Blow after blow, she—“I” was reeling and falling. Losing ground and cowering under each blow. It was too much, too overwhelming for me to handle alone.

Then Jesus came running in.

He charged into the battle and pulled us both up close to Himself.
He wrapped the beaten up, hurt and run down "me" and the angry, hurt and frustrated "me" into His strong arms and held us both close to His heart. 

We were both hurting.

I saw the angry me and how He loved me, right there, in that terrible state.
I saw the beaten down, beat up me and how He loved me, right there, in that sad state too.
He showed me I needed to be kind to myself and love myself while I was in a battle.

He pulled us both together into Himself and began to fight for us. With one powerful blow, He pushed through all the surrounding opposition while “we” were safe and held close to Him.

I surrendered to His love and allowed Him to fight my battle with His power...not my own.

I then saw myself being filled.
Filled to overflowing. Breaking every chain and stronghold.
I could hear the old “me” snapping and popping off. Like old straps busting away.

Ping!
Ping!
Ping!

My heart began swelling and absorbing His Presence until every cell was erupting inside of me.

I saw ministering angels coming to my aid. Fighting on my behalf pushing back darkness and strongholds. Tearing down walls to allow His love and power to come rushing in.

I was never alone. I didn’t need to fight my battles alone—in my own strength. I needed to allow Him to do it, though. I had to invite His help.

He rescued me from me...and so much more.

He loves us so much.
When we are broken—He loves us.
When we feel cast down—He loves us.
When we are angry at ourselves, at our situation, at the world—He loves us.
There’s nothing we can do that will separate us from His love.

Nothing.

Let that really sink in for a moment.

He loves us.
No. Matter. What.
He loves us with the fiercest love that is stronger than anything we might do or think.
He loves us.

So let Him love you.
And be kind to yourself.
Give yourself grace.
Speak the kind words to yourself that you would speak to someone else in a battle.
Love yourself.
You are in a battle.
You don’t need to fight against yourself too.
Let Him fight your battles.

All of them.

You are fiercely loved.

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